One year without Pops

November marks one year since we lost Pops.

That's what we called him, Pops. My wife's dad, Rick.

For a long time, I wasn't ready to write about this yet. But here we are, a year later, and I keep coming back to the same thought:

How little time we actually have left with the people we love…

But how grateful I am for that time we had.

💙 The VP Who Drove a Honda Fit

Most of my life's been shaped by learning what not to do.

I love my own dad, but money management isn't his strength. We'd swing from eating rice and beans to two weeks at the Grand Floridian with three new cars in the driveway. Then back to not being able to afford the basics.

So I learned to do the opposite.

To save. To live below my means. To never let my family feel that whiplash.

But I didn't have a model for what that actually looked like done right.

Until Pops.

He was this positive example. The guy I actually wanted to be like.

He wasn't just careful with money. He was intentional about everything.

Pops was an incredibly smart guy. He made good money as a VP aerospace engineer at Rocketdyne for 40+ years. But he turned down promotions to keep his family in California, close to what mattered.

He could've lived large.

Instead? He drove a Honda Fit.

This 6’4” guy folded himself into a $15K econobox, taking it to 200-300k miles.

Absolute legend.

💙 What Delayed Gratification Actually Looks Like

He had his reasons.

My wife's sister Angela has a disability, chronic seizures. She'll need care for the rest of her life.

Pops knew that. And he was planning for decades he wouldn't be here to see.

Every $50 he saved manually fixing a toaster oven? That was $50 more Angela would have after he was gone.

That's not being cheap. That's love in its most practical form.

And he'd fix everything.

Pops was the definition of DIY.

He would mow the lawn in a mask (horrible allergies), floppy hat and long sleeves (skin cancer survivor), in summer heat.

He’d service his own 20-year-old Jacuzzi. Change its fuses.

We once spent an entire day troubleshooting a 35-year-old garage door opener together.

I was like, "A new one's $400. That’s gotta be worth it with how long this is taking."

But Pops insisted, "This one still works. I can fix it."

The value in life wasn't avoiding tasks. It was doing things well.

💙 The SOP Manual

Pops was slow to anger.

Super even-keeled. Never got frustrated.

I'm wired more aggressive, argumentative… I see it in myself.

But I consciously try to be like Rick: the guy who takes someone yelling in his face and doesn't yell back. Who deescalates. Who restores relationships.

He was a professional specialist but a family generalist.

Aerospace engineer by trade, but he taught himself everything—not inherited knowledge, just YouTube and determination.

He filed taxes meticulously by hand until I convinced him to try TurboTax.

And he procrastinated on nothing. If there was a task, he'd start today. Make progress today. Get it done early, do it thoroughly.

When he passed away suddenly, unexpectedly?

He'd left the most organized SOP manual you've ever seen.

Everything noted, delineated, prepared.

Most people aren't ready.

He was.

💙 The 95% Reality

I came across a stat recently that won't leave me alone:

Once you're an adult living your own life (building a business, raising kids, running hard)…

You've likely already had 95% of the core memories you'll ever have with your parents.

You get 5% left. Maybe less.

And most of that 5%? It happens during holidays.

A few hours here and there when schedules align.

I know… that sounds like a downer. But here's the shift:

If 95% is already gone, that makes the 5% (hopefully more!!!) you have left incredibly valuable.

I had no idea November 6th, 2024 would be the last normal day with Pops. None of us did.

He was 68. Healthy. Active. Fixing things. Planning for the future.

And then he was gone.

Life's busy. Work's crazy. There's Black Friday campaigns to run.

I get it. I'm running them too…

But maybe this year, block out the time.

Play a board game. Ask questions. Share stories.

You won’t regret it.

Pops taught me:

Delayed gratification isn't deprivation. It's love for people in futures you won't see.

Doing things well matters more than doing them quickly.

Being slow to anger is a choice you make every single day.

And the most important work you do might not show up on a revenue dashboard.

It shows up in the time you spend while you still have it.

Miss you, Pops.

-Matt

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